Oh, I've been so busy, blog. I doubt this is of any significance, as you (blog) and I (Tai) have no audience, but still it is lamentable that life leaves me with so few opportunities to vomit into the intertubes. The gullet of my mind contains so many juicy partially-digested morsels that I'd love to share with you. Fortunately, the intertubes are already full of other people's delicious vomit. Quality shit. Funny stuff.

So. Having been delinquent in my duty to provide the lulz, I ventured out onto Craigslist to find fresh lul for you to enjoy. Behold: Top of the Best of Craigslist NYC: apologetic edition.

lul the 1^st: Japanese Girl in Special Situation

I would like to meet someone nice. I think the men I have met are coming on too strong and It's not comfortable so I want to meet a nice man. I also have a special situation where i am looking to meet a good man for freindship who also has some freezer space because I have too many defects in my freezer and there is no room for any more. How did this happen. I had a stomach trouble and i went to a doctor -holisitic- who consulted me and told me he needed to see samples of something - I don't want to mention the word, He said take seran wrap and put on the toilet with some space and defect into it. I did this and tried to make an appointment to give him the defect but he is very busy and I can not reach him. I am worried because I paid him so I put the defect in the freezer until i can meet him. Now every day I have been making defects in the wrapper so they will be fresh and i can't talk to the doctor so I put them in the freezer too. I don't have any more room in my frezzer! If you have some room and also some time for a nice cup of coffee it would be nice to hear from you! I am a 23 years old Japanese female, slim.
(original post)

Click on through for the rest.

Continue reading "The Best of the Best" »

Posted by wonderfoo at 03:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (2536) | TrackBacks (0)

...hypothetically, anyways. No license yet, but this to me (myself being an idiot) is a fantastic idea. Most everyone by now is aware of the television show, "To Catch A Predator", featuring the pedophile-hunting host Chris Hansen.

If you're unawares of this wonderful program, let me tell you this: it is the closest thing this country has to cruel and unusual punishment, and for that reason it is fantastic. Would-be pedophiles are set up for an encounter, expecting to meet their prey, only to find Chris Hansen and his cameras waiting for them. Awkward interviews, tussles with police, denial of cookies, these are the aftermaths of the encounters. Schadenfreude aside, the humiliation of criminals is something I feel is strongly lacking in this society.

Samples, as always, are available on youtube and the official site.

So. It occurs to me that the visage of Chris Hanson, the sound of his voice, these should strike sheer terror into the hearts of pedophiles. So what could be a more effective deterrent than Chris-Hansen-branded undies? I've comped some of these up.

Here's a sample:

TREMBLE IN FEAR

 
But I think we can turn up the terror a little bit:

I SAID TREMBLE!

 
And terror more yet:

SURRENDER YOUR SOUL TO ME, FOR IT IS FORFEIT. MY ONE THOUSAND EYES WILL OVERSEE THE DISMANTLING OF YOUR FLESH, MY ONE THOUSAND CLAWS WILL ADMINISTER THE DISSECTION, MY ONE THOUSAND HANDS WILL LIFT YOUR REMAINS TO MY ONE THOUSAND MAWS, WHERE EACH AND EVERY PARCEL OF YOUR BEING WILL SING SINGULARLY IN ANGUISH, AND ONCE YOU ARE REDUCED TO AN INDIVISIBLE ATOM OF SELF, THEN SHALL YOUR PUNISHMENT BEGIN, FOR *I* AM CHRIS HANSEN, AND this is Dateline NBC. You're on live television. Do you realize what you've done here?

Posted by wonderfoo at 06:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (16) | TrackBacks (0)

In supplement of "Unsung Heroes of the Internet": Okay. I'm not exactly sure why I find this picture so hilarious and wondrous and multi-tingling-ly super-ous.

I am the earthly embodiment of apathy towards canned jellies

The cranberry sauce so thoroughly neglected, so hastily dumped. Soulless cranberry sauce. Soulless little girl. Thanksgiving. The humor value here is so exquisitely subtle that I feel something resembling guilt when-ever I lay my smut-stained eyes upon it. Fortunately, an unsung hero of the interweb has gone ahead and masterfully mutated it with the simplest of photochop transformations:

Success!

...and now where there was previously quantity N of "ha", now there is a quantity N². So delighted was I by the discovery of that second image that I began to suspect that the transposition of key elements (the visual analogue of a logical converse) within a single image could reliably be expected to increase the humor value of the image as a whole, especially if the source image's humor value is dry to begin with. I plan on testing this myself, but in the meantime I've come into the possession of two other pairs of images which support my theory.

Click ahead to view.

Continue reading "Composition and Transposition, Holiday Edition" »

Posted by wonderfoo at 03:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (9) | TrackBacks (0)

In "Unsung Heroes of the Internet", I will highlight some of the magnificent images that float as JPGs and GIFs through the tubes, being replicated from server to server, client to client, having long since shed any indication of authorship or origin. The unsung heroes of the internet are those selfless photoshoppers (and gimpers) who cast their creations into the sea without any expectations of recompense or renown.

Today I present a good old fashioned Mendelian memetic-allele-swap. I'll leave the tracing of lineage to you. Just lookit the pictures.

Continue reading "Unsung Heroes of the Internet: Vol.1" »

Posted by wonderfoo at 09:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

The internet gives voice to all who use it. By placing these words here, someone I don't personally know from very far away might stumble upon them and hear what I have to say. That effectively gives me a shout that can travel 24900 miles. The problem is that sometimes it gives that voice to people who shouldn't be heard. But not all of the voice-underserving are loathsome, bigotted, monsters, I'm mostly just talking about the run of the mill idiots. But hey, I believe in free speech, so let the idiots have their voices. More often than not, they make the internet fun. It makes reading forums and comments fun. Case in point: the discussion over at YouTube regarding a video of supposedly "trained" goldfish. Here, I'll just edit out the boring bits:

FoxyChoklatRobot (1 month ago) how the hell do you train fish???

zElmos (1 month ago)
they were speaking chinese. o.O im not sure

hanii (1 month ago)
yea y r they speakin chinese?

pinkexperience (1 month ago)
its japanese. god. look at the description.

imog321 (1 month ago)
The gold fish wont do this at all. the explanation to this is the magnet in the stomachs

TaiCat (1 month ago)
That's CHINESE DUDE!!!!!!

adibchelala (1 month ago)
actually i believe the narrator is Thai, the trainer and reporte are japanese... Awsome skill

emeraldFloyd (1 month ago)
How dare you its chinese. Its in mandarin man. just cause we asian doesn't mean we're all the same ass hole

visnes (5 days ago)
Bordur and the rest who think Goldfish are "stupid" or have a short term memory, should read http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goldfish#Behavior

andreasm (5 days ago)
You claim it is a fact, but there is no reason to beleive it (now). Realize your ignorance and get your facts straight (or name a source), instead of attacking people who question what you claim as being facts.

wily6 (4 days ago)
my penis is larger than yours

mcdoots (4 days ago)
haha you idiots are aruguing on the internet

mformby (3 days ago)
I had actually trained a couple of fish I had to swim to different corners of the aquarium. This video is probably not fake.

thadopeman (3 days ago)
I trained a couple of fish to suck my nuts yo

lol, internet

Posted by wonderfoo at 06:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

Idle hands will engage in inane AIM banter. Okay, not necessarily *inane*. More like completely insane. This is the kind of nonsense that fills my days. And my nights. Okay, myself and the people I associate with are just insane.

Tai: Me pa was a coconut. Drifted ashore in Southern California.
Tai: From Hawaii

Quat: your pa was a coconut - what was you mother

Tai: A mexican migrant worker.
Tai: He swooned her with his three orifices and his hairy husk.

Quat: The perfect man - hairy on the outside with a lush white center and milk which you can ferment and eventually get drunk on.

Continue reading "A Gem From Ancient Chat Logs" »

Posted by wonderfoo at 08:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (433) | TrackBacks (0)