Continue reading "I Live!" »

Posted by wonderfoo at 09:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBacks (0)

As birthday celebrations tend to go, this one was long-running, possibly too long running. Now I've often been accused of hoarding photographs I've taken and this accusation is entirely false - the truth is that I just forget that I'd ever taken them. The drink, it does not help. But today I am not drinking! And so, here are the photos from the joint birthday celebration of Linda and Justin. Originals available upon request.

Birthday

 

So enthused.

Continue reading "Here Are Your Goddamn Photos" »

Posted by wonderfoo at 06:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

...quite a few things can happen.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted by wonderfoo at 10:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I have begun the viewing of The Devil Wears Prada. It was a toss-up between that and The Thin Red Line for "what to put on while I do my thang", where "thang" usually refers to fabric-hacking. Alls I can say about "The Devil Wears Prada" thus far is "there'd better be a goddamn moral to this story".

Posted by wonderfoo at 05:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

A few days ago, I had the opportunity to watch Apocalypto. And I took this opportunity. And I exited the theater two hours later quite surprised. All through the viewing a single thought repeated itself in my head. A single, surprised thought: "Wow. This isn't shitty."

MOVIE BAAAAD!!!

You see, usually when watching a flick, I'll think to myself "God, this is shitty." Or perhaps "Wow, this movie is fantastic." But in this case what I found remarkable about the movie was not that it was awful, nor that it was terrific, but precisely that it *wasn't* awful. Do ya get the distinction? It was the prominent potential for shittiness, the very fact that Mel Gibson had gone traipsing through a minefield of cliches clutching $40 million dollars to his chest and somehow emerged with a halfway decent movie in hand.

SUUUUUUUUCCCKKK!!!

After seeing the trailer for the first time, I imagined Mel Gibson giggling to himself and thinking "hee hee hee, we'll have people speaking gibberish, and... and guys with their butts showing... and we'll paint some white people brown oh my god this is going to be so fucking AWESOME!" And with tasty trivia bits like this:

Many substantial speaking roles in the film were filled by Mayan people who had never acted before. For instance, the sick little girl who curses the hunting party as they and the captives pass right before entering the city, was played by a seven year old who lived in a dirt-floored hut in a village not unlike Jaguar Paw's.

...I feel justified in my repeatedly stating "wow. I can't believe this isn't shitty."

Posted by wonderfoo at 01:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

As I was walking down the path I happened upon a large-ish glittering abandoned object which I could not immediately identify. So naturally I ran up to it giggling, cameraphone drawn. What the hell is it? I will tell you what it is: It is a bottle of cheap rum (sans rum, but with some flowers stuffed into it) inserted into a cheese grater and loosely attached by means of string about the mouth/cap threaded through the grater's holes. To this already bizarre apparatus, an umbrella handle was affixed using wads of red electrical tape. I'm going to guess that this particular rumgrater needed to be portable.

This is yet further proof that reality bends in my presence, and that truly I am a primal force of retardedness.

Posted by wonderfoo at 07:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (10) | TrackBacks (0)

Fate, it would seem, is not without a sense of humor. One which belongs to an asshole, that is. Earlier this day, I'd had myself a chat with a close friend regarding my tension, the escalating sense of unease that's been incubating within me for about a month now. Here follows the paraphrased transcript.

Boob: Maybe you just need to find some more leisurely leisure activities. Things to relax you. I mean, you always seem to be doing fairly stressful things, even for fun. Lying in bed and reading, for instance, might be less stressful than whatever it is you're currently doing.

Me: Mmm... not when you're reading The Republican War on Science

Boob: O-kay. Well something else then. Sharpening knives always relaxes me, in a mechanical way.

Me: Well, I have sewing but sewing isn't something I can do all the time. I mean, in order to sew, I need to have something to make, alter, or repair.

..."am I asking for fate to intervene?" - this thought always enters my mind when I make sentences which begin with "but". And I kid you not, mere *seconds* after that thought had passed, I knelt down to reach into my (lovely salvation-army-scored vintage 70s Coach shoulder-) bag and an enormous tear erupted down the ass of my pants. 'Tis a miracle indeed that one of my buttocks did not sink into the (nearest) ocean, and 'tis a miracle indeed that I had a spare sweatshirt at the office with which I could conceal meiner buttocken for the rest of my goddamn day.

Yeah, fuck you too, god of pants

Posted by wonderfoo at 11:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Some know of my propensity for having elaborate, cinematic dreams. The truth is, they often start a little fractured, and over time congeal into a more uniform whole. The dream I had last night was not so - I awoke to find this story in my head complete, with no gaps or irregularities. Which is made even stranger by the fact that it appeared to have three chapters. And so here it is.

Continue reading "Cakes, Money, and Verbal Abuse" »

Posted by wonderfoo at 02:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (14) | TrackBacks (0)

Ye-ah rava dance classic. It's a clip from the UK '99 flick Human Traffic that makes me nostalgic in such silly ways. I shudder to think that I actually participated in many scenes which resemble the one depicted above. Yes, at one point in life, I was "random dancing customer guy". In case you're curious, the track is "Stalker" by Aphrodite and yes, he's still making releases.

Posted by wonderfoo at 12:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

There I was, a-browsing the BoingBoing Archives when I came across an entry about dry ice bombs. People have been a little this summer about dropping Mentos™ or dry ice into soda bottles. Yes, yes, we know. Pow, sploosh, hooray! But listen to this:

You need to be very, very careful with dry ice. I spent one week in the hospital with a collasped lung and 4000 stitches, and my then-future wife received 500 of her own. And I wasn't even making a bomb, just playing around with dry ice - capped the lid and didn't unscrew it quickly enough. After a few seconds, the mountain dew glass bottle it was in exploded. It blew out all of the windows on the first floor of our house, and neither of us could hear anything for days. Be very, very careful.

Say what? You exploderized yourself into the hospital, peppered this girl with frozen plastic shrapnel, and she eventually *MARRIED* you? Maybe that's why I'm still single - I'm not causing my female companions enough grievous painful explosive concussive damage.

Oh, and while we're on the subject of explosives, the TSA earlier this week has reinstated KY Jelly as being in the category of things you are allowed to carry onto an airplane. Hooray! No more chafing, abrasive in-flight anal intercourse!

Up to 4 oz. of essential non-prescription liquid medications including saline solution, eye care products and KY jelly

Now perhaps I'm being insensitive, but does anyone actually consider KY Jelly to be "essential medication"? I understand that someone might be a little dry down there, but is it really life threatening? Would your nethers turn into a vortex of dessication, sucking into itself the beverages of all of your neighbors? But wait, further down the page you'll note that neither eyedrops, toothpaste, nor mouthwash are not permitted onboard flights. So out of these "wet" openings on our bodies - mouth, eyes, vagina, we're only allowed to service the last?

Posted by wonderfoo at 05:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

At the insistance of a colleague, I made a stop at a local Chicago hot dog joint. Chicago hot dog protocols are apparently different from those of New York's. They're loaded with salad-esque toppings, making them rather frilly and colorful. In fact, it may be most accurate to describe them as America's most flamboyantly homosexual hot dogs - short only of topping one with mayonnaise and fudge chunks.

Please read on, a most wonderful story follows.

Continue reading "Oh! Chicago! Part 2: Homo Sausages" »

Posted by wonderfoo at 09:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

The Shedd Aquarium was the last stop on my trip to Chicago, but really, the rest of the trip wasn't all that interesting. Or even pleasant, for reasons which may or may not be revealed in the future. Now, I wasn't expecting much of the Shedd Aquarium. After all, it's right in the middle of the continent, with no easy access to any oceans. Surely New York City, with its millions upon millions of tax-paying resident idiots, surely this ginormous megalopolis would have the best aquarium anywhere on the planet! Well, no. Not really. As it turns out, the New York Aquarium is practically a Wal-Mart next to the Neiman-Marcus that is the Shedd Aquarium.

Read on, for many pictures and amusing anecdotes.

Continue reading "Oh! Chicago! Part 1: The Shedd Aquarium" »

Posted by wonderfoo at 07:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (780) | TrackBacks (0)

Amazon.com sure has come a long way. I've been using their recommendation systems since they first became available, always curious to see what their algorithmic machinations might place before me for my consideration. In the past, there have been dubious, but somewhat understandable suggestions and they've always been amusing. But things started to get much more interesting once the site started to describe to you *why* it was making the recommendations that it did.

For instance, if Amazon.com recommends you this, then in a little blurb below the recommendation it might state that it was because you bought this in the same order that you bought this.

But lately it's been acting a little strange.

Read on to see the strangeness.

Continue reading "Amazon WTF" »

Posted by wonderfoo at 05:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (3203) | TrackBacks (0)

I suppose this means that I've finally arrived at the Blogosphere. In a way, you could consider the Blogosphere to be a set of residential areas adjacent to the business districts of the internet. A blog then would be conceptually akin to a residence of some sort. Humor me while I flesh out this analogy a little bit.

Some blogs are single occupancy, like this one. I post here by myself. Some blogs have roommates - multiple posters. The part I find most curious though is that blogs, like actual residences, exist in neighborhoods. There are interest-driven communities, there are even blog communities mapped out onto physical spaces.

None of this is new (i.e. I admit that I am not telling you anything new) - a great number of swollen heads have been applying their minds to the subject from the moment that blogs came into existence.

Believe it or not, the real reason behind of all of this pontification is simply this: God I hope this blog doesn't wind up in a ghetto.

Yes, it's a ghetto.

Posted by wonderfoo at 03:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBacks (0)