Oh, I've been so busy, blog. I doubt this is of any significance, as you (blog) and I (Tai) have no audience, but still it is lamentable that life leaves me with so few opportunities to vomit into the intertubes. The gullet of my mind contains so many juicy partially-digested morsels that I'd love to share with you. Fortunately, the intertubes are already full of other people's delicious vomit. Quality shit. Funny stuff.

So. Having been delinquent in my duty to provide the lulz, I ventured out onto Craigslist to find fresh lul for you to enjoy. Behold: Top of the Best of Craigslist NYC: apologetic edition.

lul the 1^st: Japanese Girl in Special Situation

I would like to meet someone nice. I think the men I have met are coming on too strong and It's not comfortable so I want to meet a nice man. I also have a special situation where i am looking to meet a good man for freindship who also has some freezer space because I have too many defects in my freezer and there is no room for any more. How did this happen. I had a stomach trouble and i went to a doctor -holisitic- who consulted me and told me he needed to see samples of something - I don't want to mention the word, He said take seran wrap and put on the toilet with some space and defect into it. I did this and tried to make an appointment to give him the defect but he is very busy and I can not reach him. I am worried because I paid him so I put the defect in the freezer until i can meet him. Now every day I have been making defects in the wrapper so they will be fresh and i can't talk to the doctor so I put them in the freezer too. I don't have any more room in my frezzer! If you have some room and also some time for a nice cup of coffee it would be nice to hear from you! I am a 23 years old Japanese female, slim.
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Click on through for the rest.

lul the 2^nd: You mentioned Sex and the City and then I punched you

I overheard your conversation on the train

You said something to your friend like "wow, I'm glad we've become such great friends! it feels just like Sex and the City!!"

and then I lost control and punched you

I'm sorry, it's just really annoying when girls say that stuff
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lul the 3^rd: Charlie: Why two lesbians have to touch your weiner.

I know you don’t understand what happened two years ago when you broke your back and lost all control over your back half. Remember when your other mommy and I sat beside you day and night twenty four hours a day, making sure you didn’t move after your surgery? And you had to wear diapers, because you peed and pooped on everything. You used to look at us so ashamed and we would try to tell you, “We know it’s an accident. It’s okay.” Remember when we used to fill the bathtub and make you swim in it, and you looked terrified and betrayed? We had to do that! The doctor told us it was the only way you would ever be able to walk again. We didn’t believe that was true. For months all you did was drag your ass behind you. Then, one day, we came home and you were so happy to see us you STOOD UP!! We all cried. And we called everyone we knew and screamed into their answering machines, “CHARLIE STOOD UP!!”, cuz we’re nuts. Eventually you did learn to walk again, and that did make me think, “Maybe Christopher Reeve isn’t trying hard enough.” But, who knows? And your walk is very wobbily, it ain’t pretty. You look like a drunken Judy Garland, swaying and wobbling down the street.

So, now, about the penis touching thing. Since the accident, your ying yang hangs out A LOT. My mom is a nurse and she says what you have is common for paraplegics. Now, understand that your two mommies are lesbos, so yeah, dog penis in the fully opened lipstick style is not something that excites us.

But, because is hangs out, it gets dry, and painfully chapped and red. That’s when Queer mommy #1 has to put on the antibiotic oint ment and then Queer mommy #2 holds the little penis pouch while Queer mommy #1 shoves the penis back in. We see you looking at us like, “Is this necessary?” Unfortunately, it is. So, we want you to know, when we are shoving your p-diddy back into it’s cubby hole, it’s not sexual, it’s just two mommies trying to help out.

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