As I was walking down the path I happened upon a large-ish glittering abandoned object which I could not immediately identify. So naturally I ran up to it giggling, cameraphone drawn. What the hell is it? I will tell you what it is: It is a bottle of cheap rum (sans rum, but with some flowers stuffed into it) inserted into a cheese grater and loosely attached by means of string about the mouth/cap threaded through the grater's holes. To this already bizarre apparatus, an umbrella handle was affixed using wads of red electrical tape. I'm going to guess that this particular rumgrater needed to be portable.

This is yet further proof that reality bends in my presence, and that truly I am a primal force of retardedness.